I look back in the past to analyze the present and be prepared for the future. Events from the past which had lessons to learn from and present which can still be controlled decides the course of events for the unknown future - the path gets built accordingly. Good memories, bad memories, moments those to be cherished and the awful span of time with ever worst experience... yet mind remembers each & every detail of the time passed by. If not for long but those figments of memories always remain.
When I look back..only to turn around from the way I walked upon, with a doubtful mind is what makes me wonder as to how many people deliberately bring upon destruction to oneself. How many knows the possible hindered consequence and yet takes the risk for so called game spirit? It's not easy to risk ones life just to find out if the "self-prediction" comes true or to defy the same. Because, it's the very person who has things at stake - to either win OR loose!
Actions taken, words spoken, faith shattered, heart broken, nightmares passed, laughter with tears thrust, a smile which had cost enumerous tears yet worth a lot to heart. When I dwell into the past, I wonder about the mixed emotions with confused head & heart torn within self - whether emotions have higher value than the logical mind, which analyses everything minutely waking up the conscience to have doubts/questions to seek for.
When I look back..I doubt of being too selfish to run after the momentary happiness even if it could cost sadness in the long run. Or, was I kind enough to let my heart rule over the head by being happy even though the head called the self as a fool. You see, If head ruled, I'ld have been careful and cautious from any external factors ensuring peace of mind and emotions safe. If heart ruled, it was a risk taken and an adventure sought to face anything and everything, after all that's what the heart wants to find out - the unknown.. the unseen.. the existence! Of course, risks has it's own consequence - good or bad, you and you alone have to take it all.
At times, mind doubts on the decisions made - was it wise enough upon looking at the outcome. Yet, never had to regret about anything. It's life.. how would you call it as living a life when your actions are always pre-decided with predicted outcomes. Does it feel lively, when you always try to play safe and protect your thoughts and emotions from the external world? Well, my existence matters on what I choose to be, how I want to lead rest of my life and who do I want to become - a shadow of someone else or myself.
